I Was an Island
The tortoise and the hare; a popular tale for the slower kids out there everywhere. Yes, yes, it teaches us all kinds of morals and stuff, but really, it makes us slow, methodical people out there feel just a little more normal. When you don’t attend CrossFit but once in approximately two months you get slow and weak. It’s easy sitting here staring back at my last good CrossFit workout and then comparing it (relatively) to today. Wow. Even though I have run two marathons in this time span my strength and endurance (in my fast-twitch) muscles has fallen by the wayside. I was not the tortoise today, my friends. Me and the rabbit were buddies this morning and have a feeling we shall be buddies for a time. I shall call him Frank.
After much encouragement from my husband and friends, I went back to the CrossFit gym this morning. It was not easy. In my heart of hearts I understand that my fear of failing and looking silly was highly irrational- the trainers and clients at CrossFit are anything but judgmental. They are some of the most upbeat and encouraging people I know. But when you’re standing on the precipice of indecision and doubt the dreaded “C” word floats into your vocabulary. Can’t. This is not a good place to be. The moment you start thinking that you can’t do something is the very moment that you don’t. I start rationalizing. I’ve had to miss so much CrossFit because of my heart and lately because I’ve made running my priority that why would they even want me back anyway? Doubt. Anxiety. Self-pity. Indecision. Weakness.
Folks, these are all the things that CrossFit is NOT. Unfortunately I have to step out of my own head and get this back to right. So, this morning I went to CrossFit.
WOD 1/11/2010
30 air squats
21 thrusters (45lb bar)
15 power snatch (45 lb bar)
9 overhead squats
30 box dips
21 sumo-deadlift high pulls
15 squat cleans
9 overhead squats
30 air squats
Because our group was so large this morning (23 people) we had to do this in 2 groups. The people that had been at CrossFit over 6 months and then the people that were under 6 months. I was in the old people category and finished last in my group with 14:30. Yes, you read that right. Last. In. My. Group. It was embarrassing, humbling, and sad all wrapped up into one. But you know what? The only one that felt those feelings was me. Everyone else was cheering me on and gave no thought to the time. Hmmmm. Food for thought. I was still a bit discouraged when I went home but Ryan pointed out to me that going and being slow is still worlds better than not going at all. I hate it when he’s right.
Moral of the story; I’ve lost a lot. I’m slow and weak. I’m also in the right spot to get it all back. I’ve got the best trainers and the best people around me to help me gather everything I’m missing to making me whole again. And that, my friends, is why it’s ok that Frank can be my friend for a while. If being slow is my reminder of what can happen when I let things lapse, then I need the reminder. Along the same token, if being slow also makes me remember what a great CrossFit family I have, then I needed that too.
TODAY I LOVE: breakfast blend tea and the fact that it is Ashley’s birthday week!
SONG OF THE DAY: “I Was an Island” by Allison Weiss
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I finished last in a 10K once. Many times through the race, I thought I could just cut across, just this once. No one will know. There was just a handful of us at the end. And in fact, 1 quit at the 5K mark, and 2 did cut across. I just couldn’t live with myself if I had cheated or not finished. I too was embarassed, I mean, I was running in downtown OKC followed by a cop car!! He kept me company, and just a mile out a couple of people came back from the finish line to run with me. And there was lots of cheering at the end… probably more cheering than the first finisher.
The moral is, don’t be embarassed because you aren’t the best. You’ve been gone for two months, it’s like you get a fresh start. This is your new base line to work UP from. It will be far less discouraging than comparing yourself to where you were when you last went to Cross Fit.
Hang in there, you will get your strength back, you will get your speed back, you will be AWESOME once again!
You went. Most important words in that whole post. Proud of you and your wonderful attitude.