Once upon a time in a gym not so far away lived a fairytale queen with a squeaky voice.  She loved her kingdom and (nearly) everyone in it.  Her ruffled hair and shiny red face entranced all who saw her.  She ruled her kingdom not by intimidation or envy, but by smiles and grunts of frustration.  To most who do not know her, she probably appears to be the village idiot; smiling blindly through the sweat, seeing nothing but crowns and Skittles in the distance, as the pain train runs over her again and again.  Those, my friends, are her demons; her dragons to slay.  And even though it might take her longer than the others who are also slaying their dragons on the gym floor, and even though she might do it with less artillery, she still manages to come out victorious.  She is queen again.

Last night was personal training night with Brian.  It is impossible for me to put into words this experience.  The old Sarah would have shied away from such one-on-one attention from a person that expects perfection and expects you to give your best, whatever it might be.  The new Sarah is adapting and welcoming the challenge.  I will never make it to the next level without someone pushing me beyond my comfort level, prepared to catch me when I fall and build me right back up again.  I think I freaked him out a little the first week (last week) with my stunning dizziness acrobatics.  We were doing a killer workout and I just completely died.  I could hardly stay upright.  I felt horrible for more than just the physical reason- I was letting both Brian and myself down.  And although I he would never tell me otherwise, I knew then that I was going to have a lot of ground to make up to be “normal” again.  Wednesday’s doctor’s appointment proved to me that I might not be “normal” for a while or ever.  I need to deal.  I need to learn how to cope and get through it.  If you think of it as a percentage, nine times out of ten I’m not going to pass out.  So, that being said, I need to learn to push through the dizziness.  My natural reaction to being dizzy is to stop and it need not be.  The doctor confirmed that.  So, inadvertently I’m hoping this is something my time with Brian will help me with as well.

Kettlebell

Back to last night…we learned all sorts of kettlebell lifts (swings, one-armed swings, sumo deadlift high pulls, cleans, clean and press, and snatch.)  My natural grace was shown while exhibiting these kettlebell tricks.  I have no natural grace, just so you know.  I looked like a dying chicken flopping her arms around, trying to keep her elbows in, and also trying not to whack herself with a kettlebell.  One thing I learned really quick with these moves- the bell of the kettlebell hurts like crazy when it hits your forearm if you don’t have control.  I rarely had control.  I tried so hard to be tough-as-nails and not exhibit any gasp of pain when this bell of torture smacked my tender arm, but admittedly I showed weakness and I know more than once Brian heard my gasp and witness my grimace.  I have the evidence today.  Both of my forearms are bruised and swollen.

All in all, it was a great workout (there’s the village idiot coming out again).  After a warm-up and learning the kettlebell moves, we did a series of tabata kettlebells, and then a WOD of 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 of rowing for calories and push press.  I did not feel defeated after this workout.  I can only pray that Brian not think of me as breakable (or the crazy-dizzy-pass-out-all-the-time-girl) and throws me every pitch he has in his arsenal.  I am going to get through this.  I might even smile too.

I had every intention of getting up this morning, trotting my happy fanny into class to show off my bruises, and to show Brian how strong I am.  And then I turned off my alarm clock and nearly was late to work.  Sigh.  The dragon wins again!

TODAY I LOVE:  slaying some dragons and being queen

SONG OF THE DAY: “Set Fire to the Third Bar” by Snow Patrol and Martha Wainwright