The Doctor. He was an interesting sort, but I liked him.  The minute he walked into the room you could tell he meant business.  No idle chitchat from this fellow.  Ry said he looked like Jim Gaffigan.  I can see that now.  The man sat in a room with us for an hour explaining everything.  Any question I had, he answered.  He listened my my frustrations and complaints and gave a valid effort to explain things in a way so that the frustration could be alleviated.

The Diagnosis. Dr. Smith concurred with Dr. Cherla in my problem, Vasovagal Syncope.  Where Dr. Smith differs from Dr. Cherla is he explained to me in laymen’s terms what is happening in my body.  Basically, my nerves and blood vessels have a problem with each other, which in turn gives me a problem with my heart.  It has has to do with the sympathetic nervous system (SNS).  This is the part of your body that operates all by itself.  It tells your heart to beat, it tells your stomach to digest, it tells your body how to react to stressors.  That is where my problem comes in.  When a stressor hits my body and adrenaline flows through, my nerves tell my blood vessels to do too much and they over-dilate.  Therefore, my blood pressure drops, my heart rate drops and I get dizzy and pass out.   Not enough blood is flowing through my heart to make it through my head because my blood vessels are over-dialated.  (Blood is pooling at my feet, essentially.)  And because I have a naturally slow heart rate that makes the situation a little worse.  Anyway, that’s why it’s so hard to treat.  There are too many factors that could make my nervous system behave this way.

Treatment. Dr. Smith also concurred with the path of treatment that Dr. Cherla has been following.  The new medication I started on Thursday of last week (Midodrine) is exactly what he would have perscribed me should have not already been taking it.  He also agreed with Dr. Cherla that now is not the appropriate time for a pacemaker.  Based on all the tests I have had so far it is inconclusive whether a pacemaker would help me or not.  So, my plan of action going forward is this- continue taking the Midodrine.  If it doesn’t work we might increase the dosage at a later date with continued monitoring (to make sure it doesn’t raise my blood pressure to dangerous levels.)  Should this not work, he would implant a heart monitor in my chest to watch my EKG for a longer (up to 3 years) period of time.  Only then, should the tests prove so, would I seriously consider a pacemaker.  That’s some good news!

Conclusion. While I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already now, the doctor did reassure me that the problems with my heart are not life threatening and I need to look at the positive.  I’m not at risk for heart disease or cardiac arrest.  He doesn’t sense an arrhythmia.  I have a good, healthy heart.  Those are all very good things.  Even though I’m frustrated (and I told him so) that he couldn’t give me some magic pill to make this all go away, I’m just going to have to learn to live with it.  He applauded my lifestyle; diet, hydration, and exercise.  I’m still allowed to keep my 1 cup of coffee a day but I was cautioned to continue to stay well hydrated with lots of water (keeps up blood volume).  I’m to keep up my healthy diet, and to eat often.  Sounds silly, but he specifically said “no starving yourself.”  Yeah right!  Because I’m on medication to raise my blood pressure I don’t have to eat excessive amounts of salt anymore.  Praise Jesus!  Lastly, exercise.  He did not forbid me, but he cautioned me against running any marathons for a while.  Because of the medication and my condition, my heart will just, well, poop out.  Unless I really sincerely don’t care about the time and am willing to take all day to complete the race (to allow ample rest) he cautioned against it.  Sigh.  He DID NOT, let me repeat DID NOT, say I had to stop exercising.  He welcomed it.  I just have to be smart and said that when I have symptoms I have to stop.

And that, my friends, is that.  I was very impressed with the staff at Barnes Jewish/Washington University.  They were amazing.  It was hard to believe in a place that big you could find such kind caring people.

Shocker to all, I didn’t have any problems with my heart rate being low for this appointment- we were in a car accident about an hour before my appointment.  Just our luck!  We were turning onto the road to the hospital and a graduate student from St. Louis University ran a red light and hit us.  He hit us on the front driver’s side and bashed in the front fender/bumper.  My poor car!  We just got it back from the shop a couple of months ago after hitting the deer.  Luckily though God was watching over us, Ry and I were both fine, the poor fella in the other car was fine and we all walked away.  My car is still driveable but severely out of alignment.  Ry is taking to the shop tomorrow.  Here we go again.

I’m probably leaving things out of this story and Ry will remind me of it later, but I am fried.  I’m going to bed!  Thanks to all of you for the awesome amounts of encouraging words and prayers.  Folks, I’m humbled by the love.  I can only hope that I can return the favor in your time of need.

TODAY I LOVE: valuable friends, caring strangers, and wise doctors

SONG OF THE DAY: “Glitter in the Air” by P!nk

Last week I had an appointment with my cardiologist, Dr. Cherla.  She was, yet again, concerned and disappointed that my current medication is not working and my condition continues to decline.  Although the drug (Propranolol) has eliminated most of my actual fainting spells, I’m still dizzy a large amount of time and the side effects associated with the drug are less than pleasant.  We’ve exhausted all avenues of treatment except for one and she refuses to proceed until more doctors concur with the judgment- pacemaker.  (I do too.)  Therefore, she decided to do a couple o things: 1) stop the Propranolol, 2) started me on the medication Midodrine, and 3) referred me to a doctor at Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis.  The new medication, Midodrine, I have to take 3 times a day and it’s purpose is to increase my blood pressure.  Honestly, I’m not sure how this medication will help me as it is my heart rate that is my problem, not my blood pressure.  However, at this point I’m open to anything.  The mechanics of the medication are a bit inconvenient.  It must be taken exactly 3 times a day, 4 hours apart, and the last pill must be taken prior to 4pm.  If taken after that deadline it runs too close to bedtime and this medicine raises your blood pressure too much while laying down.  It would be uncomfortable and prevent sleep.

With all the medicine changes (coming off one and starting another) I’ve felt alright until yesterday.  Today I feel terrible.  I can only pray it is temporary.

Tomorrow I go see Dr. Timothy Smith at Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis.  I googled him and he seems to be a reputable doctor. His specialty is in heart rhythm abnormalities, pacemakers, and defibrillators. Every hour I have a new feeling on this.  I’m excited and hopeful that there is a possibility a new doctor can find the appropriate treatment for me but I’m also nervous, terrified, and skeptical.  I want an answer so badly.  These last few months it’s been hard to combat the overwhelming fury and resentment I have that I should have to deal with this when I try so hard to be healthy.  On the flipside, some days I’m at peace with it all that this is just my lot in life and I need to make the best of it.

After a great weekend with Ryan and lots of talks with him and God, I’m resigned to the fact that if a pacemaker is what it’s going to take to make me better then let’s do it.  It’s not the end of the world and if it makes my quality of life better than it is now then I’m all for it.  That is not to say that I’m not terrified.  Sticking wires in your heart is a big deal.  Depending on a battery pack to make your heart beat is a big deal.  It’s also irreversible.  Therefore, the doctor does have to be right when they make this decision because no matter the outcome I will be stuck with it.  I’m jumping ahead of myself, it has just been presented to me that this is a possibility and I’m adjusting to the idea.  I pray that the visit to St. Louis will give me answers.  And peace.

TODAY I LOVE: Possibilities and prayer

SONG OF THE DAY: “Paperweight” by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk

I love looking down at my Garmin and seeing all those miles pile up and the calories burn. I love feeling my frustration melt out of my body and the evidence of it being salty tracks on my skin. I love the fact that my feet know my running shoes. You get that “ah” feeling once you slip them on. I love that being a runner is a universal cult. You just have to RUN to be accepted. I love that every runner, no matter the distance, has a story to tell you about some race and you understand it because it’s happened to you too. Runners are the most encouraging people on the planet and would run with you the hard miles of the race if it meant you would through. I love that this sport makes me solely competitive with myself and no one else.

I just signed up for another marathon. Yep, I surely did. When I get nervous or excited, or a good deal floats my way I just bat my pretty eyes at my husband and he lets me try. That’s another thing I love- my husband who understands my obsession and fixation with running and lets me do it with no restraints other than my health. That’s very important.

I have 13 days left until the Tulsa Marathon and I am nervous. It doesn’t matter how prepared I am, I’m still nervous. I just need to finish. This is my first marathon in a year and I’m nervous. So, when I’m nervous I just give my race calendar a look-see and plan something else. After Tulsa in 13 days I am signed up for 3 more marathons. Oh my goodness.

Nov 22- Route 66 Tulsa Marathon

Dec 5- St. Jude Memphis Marathon

Feb 28- Rock n’ Roll Mardi Gras Marathon, New Orleans

April 11- GO! St. Louis Marathon

Do you believe this? What’s worse is the fact that I have several more races in the “hopper” for 2010 that I haven’t officially registered for. For example, I’m just waiting for Chicago to open up so I can register for that race. I am GOING to run Chicago on 10/10/10. Sign me up. Not only that, but I want to be faster. Running is like a drug; the more you have the more you want and the faster you have to get it. I was driving the other day and saw a hill with a sidewalk and thought, “I could so do some hill repeats on that thing.” Whoa, I’ve crossed over.

So, all that being said, I’m nervous. I have to run tonight. By myself. Ashley is enjoying a fantastic vacation on her way back from California so I need to put on my big girl britches and do this. Ry gave me permission to try since I haven’t had any dizzy spells in a while. No excuses because I only have 13 DAYS until my race. Sigh. Here goes nothing!!

TODAY I LOVE: hmmmm, running maybe? And hot tea.

SONG OF THE DAY: “Songs From Different Times” by Jack Savoretti

Speaking of God blessing us, I was blessed to know Jerome B. (Ryan’s Grandpa) for nearly 11 years that I’ve been with Ryan. He was taken home to be with Jesus on Wednesday, November 4. Although it was incredibly sad for us, it was a blessed day for grandpa because he gets to go be with grandma in heaven. I can remember vividly watching my Grandpa and Ryan’s Grandpa laughing together and having a great time at my wedding. It makes my heart hurt and swell a little to know that they are together in heaven as well. I miss my grandpa with a passion and watching Ry’s grandpa slip away to be with all of my other loved ones was bittersweet. I have some pretty special memories of Grandpa J that I’m holding precious to my heart right now and maybe someday when it’s a little less raw I’ll share them with you as well.

In an effort to lighten the mood a bit here, let’s talk about my failed efforts as an athlete lately. How can the pendulum swing so far in the opposite direction? I realized I have been caught in the swell of life and circumstances and I’ve just been so tired that I’ve let things go. Important things like my exercise, diet, and health. I’m getting back on the right track and feel almost normal today (I think one more good night’s rest will fix me right up) and am looking very much forward to getting back in the groove of things next week. CrossFit here I come! I hesitate saying that my new medication has fixed it all, but so long as I follow all of my rules and don’t deviate it seems to be working. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten up at 4am to make it to the gym that I’m afraid I’m going to have to set goals for myself again to make it work. Any ideas? Morning crew, here I come! Please, I beg of all of you that are reading this, text me, email me, call me…make me come! I will send you my number if you’ll be my “get up” buddy. J

Tonight Ry comes home. Finally. I miss that little fella. I do not like being a one-woman household. Tonight we also go pick up our new addition Jerome. Cross your fingers it all goes well when he meets my other kids tonight. I bought George a new toy as a peace offering and explained to him what is going to happen but I’m still not sure it got through. I will post some pictures of the little man just as soon as I see him! I don’t think we’re to the point that you’ll be getting Christmas cards from us with our picture, the now family of 5, this year, but who knows.

Who’s racing this weekend? GOOD LUCK, RUNNERS!!! I have 18 days left until the Tulsa Marathon. Who’s nervous? Not me, the gal who hasn’t run all week.

TODAY I LOVE: feeling almost in control again and Hubba Bubba bubblegum

SONG OF THE DAY: “The Fear You Won’t Fall” by Joshua Radin